In the early morning of Sunday August 5th, my mind raced as I sped down the highway back towards the Hospice unit where Lisa had been admitted the previous evening. As I made my way around the bend, I was instantly struck by the glorious sunrise I had the privilege to witness. The sun was a deep, vibrant, blood-orange colour that literally took my breath away. It was massive, captivating, and more magnificent than I could ever try to describe. It was the kind of sunrise that even the grumpiest and most crotchety person would have had to admit to being spectacular. The Universe was preparing itself for a very special day indeed. For in the late afternoon of August 5th, with the sun beaming in a virtually cloudless blue sky, our loving Lisa would take her last breath.
In these final years of Lisa's life, ALS deteriorated her body, but not for a second did she let it chip away at her spirit or soul. Lisa never stopped being exactly who she was. She would have understandably had every right to feel angry, depressed, and hopeless with her diagnosis; but those words do not describe Lisa in any way, shape, or form. Lisa was and will always be a bright ray of light, hope, and optimism. She was one of the kindest, most loving, giving, and thoughtful human beings I have had the honour of knowing. To say that she will be missed by many is an understatement that does no justice to the place in our hearts where she will always reside.
This past spring we spent some time going through common "meaning of life" type questions I compiled from the Internet (originality score=0), nevertheless, here are Lisa's thoughts on the matter in no particular order:
1) What is the most beautiful place you've ever been to?
The island where I was born, Vancouver Island.
2) What is an accomplishment you are most proud of?
My marriage and children.
3) If your body could talk, what would it say?
What the hell is this?? C'mon, the one time my brain takes charge and this is what you come up with? Damn.
4) Do you have any lessons for best approaching love and relationships when you're single?
Present your true self. Always. Don't act like something you're not to conform to what you think they will like.
5) What are your greatest talents or skills?
I love baking and embroidering. And I love making connections with children.
6) What does unconditional love look like to you?
Loving no matter what. Your heart could be crying but you never turn your back on those you love. And saying love you even when you hardly like the person.
7) What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?
The Gala. Though it was no small act. It touched all of us.
8) Does it really matter what others think about you?
Not at all. If someone is not going to be true with me then I am not interested in sharing my time with them.
9) Name 10 things that make you smile:
Dolce. My kids. Coffee. Birds singing. Hearing kids play. Seeing my nieces. My friends. My family. A good joke. People watching.
10) What advice would you give to young adults who are choosing a career path?
Take time to explore all types of jobs. You don't know what you like unless you're exposed to it.
11) Were there turning points in your life that changed it's course and sent you in a different direction?
Mom moved us to Lethbridge when I was 17 years old. I had to suck it up for 2 years. And getting married changed things.
12) Have you learnt lessons about how to stay healthy?
Find something you love to do and you will stick with it.
Make great friends along the way.
Marijuana is a natural plant that should not be feared but rather enjoyed.
I need to get those Christmas stockings done. I never did. They were for my kids.
14) "I couldn't imagine my life without...."
Dolce.
15) What advice might you give others about getting and staying married?
Ensure you have strong, honest, communication. Share the good, bad, and ugly. Opening yourself up, sharing your most vulnerable self will create an intimacy that will bond you together.
16) What advice would you have given yourself on the day you were married?
Relax! Enjoy every moment and don't stress about the details.
17) What inspires you?
Good people. Music. A good show or movie. Anything really, a nice sunny day.
18) What do you think about when you think about death?
Oh what a relief! I think about having a healthy body back. As soon as I get to the other side I'm googling Jazzercise classes and signing up. But I feel sad because I want to be a mom for my kids. I want to be a Grandma. I want to be there when they need me, however, I'm also excited to see everyone I love and have been missing on the other side.
19) Advice on finding fulfilling work?
Volunteer at different jobs. If you try new things, you might be surprised by what fills your bucket.
20) Has parenthood changed you in any unexpected ways?
My heart overflows with love for my kids. Being a Mom is my greatest gift. I actually never thought I'd be lucky enough to be a mom.
21) What is something minor or seemingly insignificant in your life that actually contributes greatly to your happiness?
Music. Coffee. It used to be reading, but I can't turn the pages anymore; now it's Netflix (laughs).
22) What are your fears and worries for your children's generation?
I'm not a worrier, I don't have any.
(I force her to answer the question.)
That technology will shut down the daily human interaction that can bring so much joy.
23) What advice might you give others about raising children?
Just love them. And then love them some more. Stick to your guns. We can love them without being their friends.
24) "I feel happiest in my skin when..."
Without ALS I'm very comfortable in my skin; with ALS, I'd have to say after my shower.
25) What advice would you give those currently 10 years younger than you about how to make the best use of this decade?
Start exercising for your own mental and physical health. Go to marriage counselling if your marriage is at a stand still. Spend lots of quality time with your kids, cause ten years from now they will be off doing their own thing.
26) What has been the most challenging part of your life?
ALS aside, my marriage. After all, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It's given me a lot of civility. Dino is a wonderful man. There has been so many wonderful times. I mean we have been together for 23 years!
27) What are the 3 most important things to you?
My family, my friends, and Dolce.
28) How is the public you different from the private you?
I can be quiet at home. Before ALS I could grab a book, a cup of tea and read for hours. The public me is slightly more censored. (We both laugh).
29) If you could talk to your teenage self, what would you say?
You are so much more than what you look like. Do what makes your heart sing. If you do you will go far and you will feel fulfilled. You are lovable.
30) What are the major values/principles you live by?
If you love someone, tell them. Share what you feel about others, don't assume they know. Resolve any conflicts-anything can be sorted through if you truly care about making things better. Let your kids know that you're not perfect but you should always try to be better.
31) What is a great regret of your life?
I really don't have regrets. I have made peace and amends along the way.
32) Who has had the greatest impact on your life?
My mom.
33) What qualities or traits do you most admire in others?
People who can set boundaries and don't feel guilty about it. I always had a hard time saying no.
34) What are a few favourite family memories?
Family dinners at my in-laws. Family picnics at Mt.Doug park with my side of the family. Our annual summer Whistler trip when we stayed at Chateau Whistler and went bike riding and swimming.
35) What is your greatest flaw?
Not being as kind to myself as I am to others.
Looking at pictures of my kids when they were little.
37) What's the one thing you'd like others to remember about you?
That I was a good mother and a good friend.
Everything. If we look at what comes our way as a "I can handle this" instead of "why me" it becomes a challenge we can feel good about when we're accomplishing it. No matter or regardless of the outcome.
39) In 10 words, describe yourself.
I'm maternal, devoted, grateful, curious, sociable, loving, happy, excited, humbled.
And there you have it. As much as my OCD tendencies begged her to do an even 40 questions she refused to. She said she wanted the number to reflect her age...
Lisa was truly the funniest woman I had ever met. Her remarkable quick wit and playful sense of humour kept me on my toes and we shared more laughs than imaginable.
I thank you all for taking the time to read this. I thank you for loving her, for caring about her, for merely thinking about her. Our collective energy of Lisa love is something I know she felt and continues to feel.
Lisa touched the lives of so many people and we invite those who were close to Lisa and her family to please join us at her Celebration of Life.
When: August 15th, 2018
Where: Beach House Restaurant
5109 Cordova Bay Rd
Victoria, BC
Time: 2-4 pm
Lisa's Request: "Please wear colour, I don't want a funeral."
If you would like to make a donation to the ALS Society of BC on behalf of Lisa you can do so by clicking here. Thank you to every single person who reached out and helped or supported Lisa and her family in any way. She was always so grateful for the kindness she was shown. Little did she know that it was because of exactly who she was that she was surrounded by so much love.
